Holy Night Revelations

In the dawn of December, of a year all but spent,

I wrote my letter to Santa with truest intent.

For the fat man in red I really meant to torment,

Let me try and tell you more or less how it went: 


"Esteemed Round Rouge Cretin," I courteously began

"Newly I reembark in this sleaziest of traditions,

Of lobbying and abiding to meet unclear conditions,

For your prizes, at no cost, tempt each and every man."

"But before you search my name on your list to check,

Let me tell you right now, I've been naughty as heck.

"I was mean, I was nasty, and most of all I was cruel.

Stole the cane of a blind man, and challenged him to a duel.

"Indecent, obscene and vile, of this you can be sure.

I did nothing this year you could ever deem pure.

"Been rude, a real prick, wicked, corrupt and vicious.

Really went out of my way to be downright malicious.

"Violent, offensive, obnoxious, and hell loud.

I can solemnly warrant my deeds were most foul.

"My stalwart honesty may confuse you, I do fear.

Alas, think! Why would I say this and not be sincere?

You know I know you know me well (and wish you didn't)

Might be in your closet right now, with a knife, hidden"

"So this Christmas you better come through,

and come fast,

for if my demands are not met by midnight,

it could mean your last." 


"Yours Sincerely," I signed "M."

That was pretty much in what the letter consisted.

Attached, the requested items, carefully listed,

all three tomes worth of them.


To my surprise, the bearded buffoon did not answer.

That took stones, I grant, each the size of a panzer.

I really doubted the polar dude was playing tough .

Figured he must be real busy getting all my stuff.

So when the deadline came with no presents to be found,

I was seething in bloodlust like a winter-fasting hound.

Of the myriad of tributes I had politely asked for, none.

But, instead, under the tree, with my name on, just one.

Imagine my reaction, when it turned out to be

An awesome present, of the awesomest degree!

I have to admit, I couldn't contain my smile

He pulled a shrewd trick this time. What guile!


I don't really care that I didn't get all of my presents,

For now I understand the meaning of these holy events.

And I'll happily bestow this wisdom upon thee:

Santa wants me to be real, real naughty!

The Female Factor # 4

A veces mi vieja se olvida que soy hombre, supongo que todavía me ve como un niño.


Ayer la pasé a buscar para ir a ver AC/DC, porque le regalé las entradas para su cumpleaños.



Abro paréntesis:

Si, mi vieja escucha AC/DC, y le cabe Kiss también.

Mi viejo, en cambio, se da con los Bee Gees.

¬¬

Cierro paréntesis.




En fin, resulta que cuando notó unas marquitas* en mi cuello preguntome: "¿Qué te pasó en el cuell... Ah."

Reí mientras me mordía la lengua para no decirle: "Feliz cumple Ma!"


Si, ya se, soy una mierda de hijo. Sue me.




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* Lvl Up!


+1 Guile
+1 Roguishness
+2 Moxie
+1 Rugged Manliness
+37 Understatement...itude (?)